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Phases of the moon

By Stormy Official

Phases of the moon

It's been a while since I have been able to sit down and place all my thoughts collectively in a place I felt comfortable enough to do so.

I'm in the midst of a pretty bad depressive episode, for the past two weeks I've found myself really struggling to be motivated for anything at all.

If you know who I was when i was 18/19 years old, you would know that I am completely different now that I am almost 22 years old.

Many of you know me now days as what has been explained by others but not who I truly am, Many of you don't even give me the opportunity, sure why not I'm perceived to be this terrible person, Which I admit I have done some mean things in the past, But I am trying EVERY single day of my life to be a better person, not for anyone else's acceptance but my own. 

If anyone understood what I have gone through since I have been born or what I have gone through in just the past almost 4 years, you would understand why I have this terrible temper which I myself hate, and have seeked therapy for since I was 8 years old.

The problem is, a lot of my trolls and stalkers which you see most of the hateful posts about me being said are from, know how to target my anger well enough and take out of context and exploit. 

I do not apologize for standing up for myself, I do not apologize for being mean, rude or hateful towards the people who everyday wake up and try their hardest to exploit, hurt and ruin me.

I have had my trolls do terrible things to me that I don't speak up on until later because I rather deal with them myself in the moment than giving them the power to know its hurting me, Though doing this has caused deeper pain than I thought. 

People posting my address, sending my mother photos of me nude getting me kicked out of my house, posting all of my families addresses all over the internet, sending people to my house, posting my address on craiglist saying I have free furniture so that I would be harassed all day until I got the post taken down. Harassing my members, my boyfriends, my friends. I lived in a hotel when i was 18 for two months while I was top 3 and 4 on mfc because my mother kicked me out because of the harassment they did to her. I lost my family, moved cross country, When I did move cross country they harassed my roomate into depression, she didnt feel safe, I didnt feel safe. in 2016 my house was broken into all my hard drives stolen, I cant even live in houses anymore because in apartments I feel safer with the address being put out there. 

This isnt even a fraction of what these people have done to me, but many of you dont care enough to know why I am so defensive, why i close myself off, why i dont put up with bullshit, and why i cant stand people in the community who pretend to be my friend, many "friends" i had ended up just giving my trusted secrets to my trolls.

I have felt so alone, Like i cant trust anyone for almost 2 years now, I couldnt cam with out drinking, and now i cant cam with out drinking. 

I'm struggling with the worst depression and I am honestly surprised I have been strong enough to make it this long. 

My life is actually really great right now personally, my boyfriend is wonderful. My work life isnt that stressful but unfortunately depression really doesnt give a fuck. which actually makes me feel worst, I feel ungrateful currently because im always tired, because im crying constantly, even though my life seems to be going the best it has in a while.

Now i'm 100% sure my trolls are going to be talking shit about this post becaue they feel like they can mock depression just like whorenickles mocked it on cam a few years back and made fun of me for being depressed because thats the type of people they support and the type of people they are, they linger in the toxic and expect to be happy. I am not one of those people, I am trying every day to be a better person, every day to be happier, every day to spread positivity to those who deserve it. 

Anyways if you have read this far thank you, I really dont have time to explain everything ive been through or to explain my actions nor do I want to because i know no one truly cares, I have been bullied and told they wouldnt stop until i slit my throat, It has been my goal to not give them that for 3 years and I dont plan on ending my life at anytime, but I am someone who struggles with depression because of the harassment I have been through, Now that I have grown a bit and been through it long enough I know how to handle it a little bit better but at the age of 18 and 19 with out any family or friends I was dealing with all of it alone and I did NOT know how to handle it and I really wish I handled it legally rather than with words or with my aggression, Now i know to always have a lawyer and to always have paperwork, It sucks it took this much of bullshit to finally get to where i am, I thought It would go away but it hasnt and I just dont think it will. 

I suffer from PTSD from abuse, rape, and many more things and my side effects this past year have been extremely strong from this. I take time away from my work because unfortunately its  a huge negative factor in my life sometimes, I know my worth but many people dont see my worth the same that I do.

 

I want to finish this vent off with a thank you . 

Thank you all of the members who have supported me in anyway whole heartedly through my journey so far, I am the youngest miss MFC there has ever been, a top earner ever on the website. and I have lived one hell of a life so far, however money just doesnt fix all issues, my issues hinder me from making the money i used to and having the motivation i used to have. 

I will still be here, I will still try my hardest every day to get out of bed, to work hard, and to make my supporters happy. 

I have met amazing people because of this industry, but I have also seen the worst side of the industry. 

I have tried my hardest to be the nicest person I can be even to people who have hurt me. 

I love all those who are understanding of me and those who chose to stand by my side through all the negativity I go through, YOU are the reason I havent given in, You are the reason I wake up and try every day. 

-Stormy

 

Just like the phases of the moon, some days we are empty and some days we are full. You will be at your greatest again and be brighter than you were before.

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Being a "CamGirl"

By Stormy Official

Being a

As many of you know, I am in the sex industry as a self produced worker called being "camgirl."

This business has changed my life to something I never thought was possible.

I started at age 18 and am now almost 21.

I started in a one bedroom apartment with my mother serving tables for 2.13$ an hour struggling to afford the 400$ a month that our rent was and looking for another job.

My first day online was a hit! I made more money than I've ever seen in real life in one day.

Along the way of camming I started to lose myself. Between the harassment and the bullying and the constant use of me that people in the community found it funny to support and be a part of, I was struggling to even find a reason to continue to live even if I was making the average yearly income in a month.

Money doesn't buy happiness and I was learning the hard way.

 

I fell into a very dark deep depression.

I moved from Kentucky to Nevada hoping for a new beginning and I had no idea that it meant my life would start me from the bottom all over again.

 I finally realized what my drinking was doing to me.

I felt like no one wanted me unless I drank like i had no personality on cam, I also feel a lot of cam girls feel the same way though. Its a rough road and world to be in, being judged for everything you do, people expecting the best out of you all the time, people demanding you, the harassment, the bullying. It gets to be a bit much if I say so myself.

 

I stopped drink because I realized I had lost everything, everyone, including myself.

 

I had no passion for life. No motive to want to live. I went from cutting myself to drinking myself near death every night. No one understood, but everyone wanted to continue to be mean and hurt me. 

 

 I then met someone actually gave me guidance it was unexpected and kind of a beautiful thing. They showed me what passion was, what creativity was, what art could really be.

This person is reliable for not only giving me a reason to live, but for so much to come in the future. Out of all the people in my life the person I fell in love with the first day I met them seemed to do everything that I needed just right. I don't know if it was life telling me not to give up or what, but it still blows my mind to this day.

Since meeting this person I have gotten back into camming, I have quit drinking all the time, I have began to love myself. I have started building myself and my future. I have taken on tasks that are huge and I have completed those tasks, I have spent hours and hours working on a project that didnt come out the way I wanted but I know that there will always be room to grow, At the same time I have spent hours and hours on projects that have came out exactly how I wanted and I am so proud of them.

I have created this website, I have started Branding myself and not only a "Cam Girl" but an independent woman, who loves to create, who does what she needs to to pay her bills, who doesn't let fear hold them back, an artist, and now a well guided human.

My entire childhood went with out guidance and in my 20s I finally found someone to step in and give me the advice I needed, the feeling I needed, They didnt do much but make me feel beautiful, touch the core of my heart and tell me that I'm worth more out of life than its giving me.  

 

I am a Cam Girl, But I want to let you know, Im also more than that.

 

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Things You should Know

By Stormy Official

Things You should Know

So I love to write, I will be posting my feelings, my thoughts, my rants, my expressions on my website. I hope that you guys enjoy them. I find writing as a way to let things out that no one really wants to listen to. I love poems, I love just expressing the littlest things in life. 

Creating my own website has given me the ability to express myself how ever I want. Brand myself how I want.

And I'm going to start by branding myself as a young woman who works hard to live the life she could of never possible thought she would have.

I will post some of my portfolio on here for photographers as well as sell content so that i get 100% of my earnings because I feel I deserve 100% of my earnings for MY hard work.

I will hopefully be doing youtube videos in the future so keep an eye out for those!

I hope to do plenty more in the future but since I am doing this by myself and learning as I go im going to be taking it slow!

 

Thank you so much for reading this and checking out my website! Have a wonderful day,

Much love ,

Stormy

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